Erin

Mom of Joey who passed away in July of 2023

“Our son Joey passed away due to complications from labor and delivery. He will always be our first born, and the one who made us parents. While he isn’t physically here with us, we take every opportunity to share about him because his life, although short, mattered!”

At the time of your loss, what did you find most helpful?

I began reading more than I ever had before. Some books that helped me were Grieving the Child I Never Knew by Kathe Wunnenberg, Signs by Laura Lynne Jackson, Messages from Above by Monica the Medium, We Never Die: Secrets of the Afterlife by Matt Fraser, There’s More to Life than This by Theresa Caputo, Spirit Babies by Walter Makichen, You are Not Alone: Love Letters from Loss Mom to Loss Mom by Emily Long.

I created an Instagram account, [finding_joey_in_each_day] to share our story, helpful resources, quotes, signs from Joey, glimmers of happiness, and more. It also provided me the opportunity to connect with other people who have gone through something similar.

Katherine Lazar’s podcast At a Total Loss was extremely helpful the first couple of months knowing I wasn’t alone.

I also used my Cricut machine to do a lot of crafting, and I joined a local fitness studio and began taking weekly classes.

Lately, what resources are you turning to for support?

“You are not alone. Take things one moment at a time. On the days where you feel your lowest, remember that every storm runs out of rain, and that rain allows flowers to grow. While you will forever miss your baby, I can promise you that you will find pockets of sunshine again. If you’re simply putting one foot in front of the other, you’re already doing a great job.”

While I no longer attend Empty Arms support groups, I am very close with a group of Mamas I’ve met through EABS and chat with them nearly everyday. I also participate in their annual Syrup Stampede and am on a committee to help bring an Empty Arms hub to central Mass. Being involved helps me keep Joey’s memory alive.

We know certain aspects of life after loss—like holidays or returning to work—can be especially difficult. Beyond the obvious challenges, was there anything unexpectedly hard or triggering for you?

The 11th (his birthday) and 12th (the day he passed) of each month still brings a lot of emotions almost two years out from Joey’s death. We like to go out for ice cream each month around those dates! It gives us something to look forward to :)

Can you share a moment when someone showed you kindness or support that had a meaningful impact on you?  

Friends from college sent me a beautiful flower arrangement for my first Mother’s Day without Joey. Another friend sent us a first birthday card with a gift card to get ice cream. It meant more than they’ll ever know! It’s not always the tangible items that have the biggest impact, sometimes it’s just a text saying that they’re thinking of us.

Erin attended our monthly Stillbirth and Neonatal Loss Support Group following her loss.

Erin and her family live in Central Massachusetts