Remembrances: Keeping Our Babies Close
There are so many ways to honor your baby's life and to keep their memory alive. Click one below to jump to that section of the page.
REMEMBERANCE • FUNERAL • rituals
rememberance
Many bereaved parents find it comforting to have physical objects and experiences to connect them to their child. Below are a number of ways in which families we have worked with have creatively captured their baby's memory.
Photography
If you are anticipating your baby's birth, or if he/she is still with you, know that we have a committed group of local, professional photographers who are willing to donate their services to bereaved families. If you think this resource could be helpful for you, please get in touch with us as soon as possible by texting or calling 413-570-0811 so we can make all the necessary arrangements.
Memorial Jewelry
There are many amazing crafters who have designed ways for you to memorialize your baby through jewelry. You can find hundreds of options on Etsy, ranging from jewelry made from breast milk that resembles a pearl, to jewels crafted from your baby’s ashes, to footprint jewelry, to engraved pendants, and many other options.
Other Creative Ways to Remember
Portraits by Dana: hand-drawn memorial portraits
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What happens to my baby when I leave the hospital?
If your baby is over 20 weeks gestation and weighs more than 350 grams, burial and cremation is arranged through a funeral home. Depending on where you live, there are likely several funeral homes available for you. Empty Arms is more than happy to recommend homes that have demonstrated compassion for our families in the past, and we're also available to help you with any aspects of the arrangements that seem overwhelming to you. We maintain a guide of recommended funeral homes that we will share upon request.
Please let us help if you are struggling to determine which home to use, or if the cost is feeling prohibitive. We have a fund available to help with these expenses, which over half of the families we serve take advantage of.
Also, please note, that while you must make arrangements for a funeral home to transport your baby, it is your right to take your baby home for a short while if you wish. Historically, people held wakes at home. If you would like to pursue this, ask your funeral director how to make it happen.
If your baby is less than 20 weeks and under 350 grams, what happens to your baby is up to you. Legally, the baby is yours. You have several options:
Usually, the hospital will offer the option to "take care" of the remains for you. Unfortunately, here in Western Massachusetts there are no hospitals that have burial plots in which to bury all miscarried babies. Typically remains are cremated, and you should know that it’s likely they will be cremated alongside other things such as the byproducts of surgeries and other medical waste.
You can use a funeral home and choose to cremate or bury the baby. You would proceed just as you would for any death.
You can take your baby's remains home with you. Legally, this is your right at this gestation, though most hospitals have policies that will make the process difficult. Please, let us help you with any obstacles you may come across. Hospital policies can and have been changed to make this happen for families.
Rituals
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Memorial Ceremonies and Events
Many families choose to have a ceremony or funeral for their baby. There are many ways that one can go about this, and it's important to remember that nothing has to happen immediately. If you're too overwhelmed after your baby’s death, you can have a memorial weeks, months, or even a year later. There's no time table to creating ritual around your baby's passing.
For some families, a traditional funeral works just fine. Even if you're not a regular attendee at a religious institution, you can always work with a spiritual leader to create something to honor your baby.
A private, non-denominational ceremony. There are venues locally that are perfect for a ceremony led by someone who's not a religious leader.
A memorial you officiate yourself. Whether you reserve a chapel or hold it in your backyard, you can create a ceremony yourself or with help
A tree planting or garden dedication. Many people find that gardening and tending to life is a healing tribute to their baby. Gathering others to honor this physical memorial can be healing.
Empty Arms is grateful to have a connection with Hannah Grace of Grace Ceremonies. Hannah is an interfaith minister who is skilled at helping create the perfect moment in your family's history to honor the little one who has changed you so profoundly. Whether it's ministering at an actual ceremony that you design, talking through ways to memorialize your child, or helping to officiate at a tree planting in your own backyard, Hannah can help you find a way to celebrate your love for your baby in a way that feels just right for you. All of Hannah's work is priced on a sliding scale and her first consultations come at no charge.
If you’re curious to explore more options for how to honor your baby’s short but important life, you can click here to read a beautiful piece written by Hannah, offering a beautiful perspective on a variety of ways to honor your baby's life. Hannah makes eloquent the brief bullet points outlined above and also offers poems, specific rituals from a variety of cultures, and other ideas that could inspire you as you think about how to honor your baby's life.
